I got pregnant because I was too drunk. I barely remember the sex. When I woke up, I saw an unused condom. I was wondering why it wasn’t used—the fact that the condom was lying there suggested that the guy had at least thought about using it.
I was so wasted that I was incapable of doing anything that night, but I don’t think it was the same for him.
Why were we so irresponsible and careless? We didn’t really know each other, apart from having some friends in common. What I do remember clearly is that we had unprotected sex again the following morning. Since we already had unsafe sex the night before, why use protection this time? The damage would have already been done.
I took a morning after pill. Weeks passed but I still didn’t have my period. When I finally did a pregnancy test and it turned out to be positive, I couldn’t believe it. This always happens to others but never to oneself! It was too late. I realised the consequences of my intoxication, my frivolity, and my stupidity.
My decision to get an abortion was rational and realistic.
I haven’t finished my studies, I don’t have the financial resources to take care of a child, and I couldn’t disempower myself by letting my parents raise this child. So, I undertook the necessary formalities. I went through the family planning process. The healthcare staff talked to me about the placenta, trimesters, ultrasounds—all these words were strange and confusing.
Although I had taken the decision to abort, I wasn’t completely determined to do it and I kept on twisting and turning. The closer to the day of the abortion, the greater my doubts, fears and anxiety.
Throughout the process, I was never really alone; my friends comforted and supported me, but this was not enough to avoid the guilt. I was disgusted with myself and the situation was making me sick. I couldn’t sleep anymore.
I tried to let go of my thoughts, because if I thought too much my cowardice would take over, I would not be able to make the right decision and probably regret keeping this child in 5 or 10 years.
Every woman that has an abortion experiences and deals with the situation in her own way. Before going through all of this, I was in favour of abortion. Today, I’m neither for nor against it. However, for me it was something terrible.
This post first appeared on the MTV Shuga website