Soul-sucking – that’s one of the names the internet has given to that horrid kiss Madonna imposed on Drake at Coachella. But Drake is not all alone, we’ve all been victims (in some cases, perpetrators) of a bad kiss. I polled some of my friends on Facebook to find out what they would call some of the worst kisses they have been party to.
1. The washing machine
“When the kiss gets you wet all over your face,” says Sandisiwe Mzinda. The problem – too much tongue action, says Sandisiwe and others I polled. Too fast, too wet and too sloppy. Tshepi Tiles calls this the kiss that gets out of hand.
2. The ear-bud
Kissing should stay on the lips, says Melissa Dube. “What’s (with) the ear story? Dude, you’re not an earbud, get outta my ear.” Many other girls agreed, and said they find the earlobe sucking ticklish, weird and awkward.
3. Unidentified objects
Chane van Rooyen hates too much spit in her mouth, “or some other unidentified objects, like food or such”. I mean what should you do – stop kissing and spit or swallow and carry on?
4. The bump and grind
It’s when her teeth grind mine, says Tshepi Tiles. Or, says Unathi Nontshokweni, when you’re bumping teeth while you’re trying to be in a passionate kiss. The bump and grind is “kiss got too wet (and) outta of hand,” explains Tshepi.
Getting bitten by your partner, which gets more embarrassing if you start bleeding. Or, says Nosipho Dlamini, when “someone sucks your lips too much that your lower lip feels sore.” This often happens when you’re kissing for the first time. You just need more practice, guys.
This is one of Luvuyo Swartbooi’s embarrassing kissing moments. “When you’re busy kissing and decide to take a peep and she’s staring at you.” Creepy!
7. The false alarm
When he or she leans in and you interpret the move wrong and go in for the kiss, only to find that they just wanted to remove something from your hair. It does not only happen in the movies.
8. The serious case of bad breath
This is the worst, as cited by most of the people who responded. It’s especially bad when stench from the saliva sits on your lips and you’re not quite sure how to tell the other person.