1. The influencer
A few years ago, we called them bloggers, but in 2016, they’re influencers. The camera is their number one accessory. They never put their phones down. You’ll find them hanging at coffee shops for the free wifi, Instagramming every moment. They are social butterflies, but can get annoying by always, and I mean always, asking you to subscribe to their blog.
How to deal: When you see them approaching, just head in the opposite direction.
2. The has-been
At some point, we all looked up to this guy. They made waves through their art (think TV presenters, rappers, actors and so on). Our has-been will likely be asking you, “Can I bum a ciggie from you?” at the next party. But brave ones don’t even stop there, they can go as far as asking for a drink and, possibly, a lift home.
How to deal: Just say no.
3. The fuckboy/girl
We all know the ones with the Kendrick Lamar hair cut, bright hair colours and the jeans torn at the knees. They are trend followers who are at a party to take pictures, so their Instagram followers know they were definitely there. They may seem like they have the money to afford being at those parties, but, just like the has-been, they likely don’t.
How to deal: No matter how cute they are, stay away from this one.
RELATED: What exactly is a fuckboy?
4. The well-travelled hipster
This hipster is easy to spot by her vintage clothes. No matter what country or city is being discussed, they know all about it and are probably wearing something they bought there or a bag they thrifted in a market. Everything you are eating, they’ve tasted better on another continent and will take every chance to remind you of this.
How to deal: Don’t even try to outshine, you will lose.
5. The fashion-forward hipster
These are close relatives of the fuckboy/girls, and to be honest, it’s sometimes hard to tell the difference. The only difference is they are wearing next season’s hot looks – so think men in crop tops, beaded beards and shoes impossible to walk in. Basically if someone at the party looks like they got lost on the way to Kanye West’s party and ended up with you guys, that’s the fashionista.
How to deal: Look, if you don’t have their wardrobe, you’re already not dealing. Stay in your lane.
6. The intellectual
These are the easiest to spot. They are likely to be huddled in a corner talking about some book or jazz musician you have never heard of. Think berets, fedoras, doeks and vintage-looking bags, heavy with books. Even though they have issues with colonialism and the names of bars like Kitcheners, you will find them there discussing politics, decolonisation and intersectionality.
How to deal: Just nod and act like you’re listening.
Photography: Tiisetso Moloi