Every now and then, there is that ONE subject that truly sets Twitter ablaze. Now before you assume that this is another piece on Solange “Legs of Justice” Knowles, continue reading.
The words “Ten dates” were in practically every tweet on my timeline a couple of weeks ago and before I knew it, curiosity had me in a choke-hold. Too tired to resist but not tired enough to let it go, I gave in and twoogled to see what the hype was about. I have no idea who sent the tweet that set off the avalanche but the ensuing conversation was based on that tweep’s (let’s call them Tweep X) claim that they wait Ten dates before sleeping with any possible suitors. And then “black twitter” went crazy… Most responses were from males saying Ten dates or Ten hours would not affect how long they stayed with a girl after sleeping with her.
The attention then turned to the 90-day-rule. Ten Date’s forgotten, older step-sister. It has been around for quite some time but it gained more attention when Steve Harvey covered the topic in his book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.” In Chapter 11, titled; The Ninety Day Rule – Getting the Respect You Deserve, he uses his job at the Ford motor plant as an analogy. Long story short, he asks; “if Ford and the government won’t give an employee benefits until he’s been on the job and proven himself for atleast 90 days, why, ladies, are you passing out benefits to men before they’ve proven themselves worthy?” He also links making men wait with how much dignity, self-esteem and respect that woman will have *rolls eyes.*
He is currently 57 years old. A man born and raised at a time when people had different ideas about life, will never have any idea what it means to be twenty-something in 2014. He is also a man telling women what to do with their bodies. What is worse is that women feel the need to turn to a man for advice on how to be a better woman so as to be more appealing to men. Yes, he has the gift of male perspective and insight but c’mon! If men wanted to date someone who thinks like a man, they would date other men.
If a man’s intention is just to “hit it and quit it,” I doubt that three months will suddenly convince him to stay with you. There is that rare occasion that after all that time spent with you, he might realize that he wants to be in a relationship, but there is also the chance that in that time, your personality and personal habits might serve as a form of contraception on their own. Men that believe that sex gets “in the way” when they are looking for a committed relationship are not a myth though. They do exist, they aren’t all just a pride of hungry lions out for the kill.
When should you just cut your losses? When a man is not comfortable enough to be honest about his intentions. He is lying to you and it is not for your own good. You should also just let it go when you cannot be upfront with him about what you want right from the start. You cannot pretend to be cool with “whatever” and then get mad when you are not being treated a specific way. If yeeew still type lark this and see nothing wrong with it, rather focus on other aspects of your relationship. You are not mentally old enough to be sleeping with anyone and whatever expectations you develop as a result will always leave you disappointed.
Teenagers, you guys just aren’t making safe life decisions. Some of you are too easily influenced by other people. My teen years were not that long ago, I have seen it happen. Despite how care-free we assume people are about sex, the fact remains that your sex-life is not and should never be just a care-free thing. You cannot make adult decisions and face adult consequences so just enjoy the cute moments (you’ll miss them) and learn to cope with all the angst.
The problem here is that we are making all these rules for OTHER PEOPLE’s sex lives and attaching useless connotations to their life choices. We are assuming that everyone is doing it just because they are in relationships so this new group of hipsters, who find it too mainstream have emerged and are defined by their abstinence. Ten minutes, Ten hours, Ten days or Ten years, the decision remains yours. All you have to do is know what you want and not be too ashamed to admit it.