The ANC’s five most outrageous quotes

by: Mpho Lehlongwa - 18 September 2014

In the earliest hours of this week, the ANC found themselves at the centre of a media controversy after Minister of Water and Sanitation Nomvula Mokonyane made an eyebrow-raising comment about the depths to which they will to go to protect President Jacob Zuma’s back. But what’s new? The ANC always seems to be putting their foot in their mouth and, honestly, if they started watching their words, the media would have nothing to report on. But seeing as we do have a lot to report on – we’ve put together a list of the ANC’s five most outrageous qoutes. Enjoy:

“The attack is not on Zuma, but it is on the ANC. Re tlo thiba ka dibono [We will defend with our buttocks]”

Last Saturday, the Minister of Water and Sanitation Nomvula Mokonyane found herself at the centre of yet another media controversy. Speaking at the launch of a water project in Marite, Mpumalanga, the Minister told the crowd that, even though Zuma has been a bad boy lately, he would finish his term. And to ensure this, the ANC was willing to take drastic measures! They would shield Zuma with their buttocks if needs be.

When I first heard she said this I was like ‘what the…? Eeeuw!’ That’s because I took the figure of speech literally for a minute and thought to myself ‘mara mama why huh’?. Her spokesperson has since cleared the air – explaining that this was a Sotho expression that just means you’re willing to protect someone with every fibre of your being. Regardless, this is one of those dumb ass quotes you’d hear from our grandpa’s and grandma’s sitting in little discussions about the country’s best needs I guess. Who the hell still uses this expression? With the media being as sensational as it is, Mokonyane should have known that her statement would be deliberately misconstrued. Some people never learn.

"We will defend Zuma with our buttocks". Illustration: Thato Mongale

“We will defend Zuma with our buttocks”. Illustration: Thato Mongale

“I didn’t join the struggle to be poor”

Brought to you by ANC national spokesperson Smuts Ngonyama in November 2004, this comment was in defense of his involvement in a BEE deal involving a R6.6 billion stake in Telkom, and has sort of become emblematic of the ANC’s approach to corruption (so what? I want to eat too!). In all fairness, I understand Smuts’ position because no-one really joins the struggle (and risks their life for the liberation of a country) to be broke in the end, right? But man, the way he said it. The context in which he said it! How could you say that when we’re asking you about a shady deal that would have gained you and lost the country over R150 million?

We are all hungry boss but greediness, selfishness and even speaking in public like that about our hard earned tax money is just bull hey.

“Madonsela is a CIA agent”

Who could forget this? Just over two weeks ago Kebby Maphatsoe, the Deputy Minister of Defence and Military, accused Public Protector Thuli Madonsela of colluding with international intelligence to bring down President Zuma. All of this was uttered at a tombstone unveiling of Umkhonto we Sizwe combatant Linda “Lion of Chiawelo” Jabane in Soweto. I bowed my head and prayed for a little while when I read this – not for Thuli Madonsela or the Deputy Minister, but for the respect of the man whose stone they were unveiling.

Ever heard of timing? Save the comments (no matter how outrageous they are) for a different platform. A tombstone unveiling isn’t really a platform to rant about what secret agency Maphatsoe thinks our Public Protector is in. The deputy minister can thank his lucky stars Madonsela didn’t throw a lawsuit in his face.

"Madonsela is a CIA agent" Illustration: Thato Mongale

“Madonsela is a CIA agent” Illustration: Thato Mongale

“We’ll kill for Zuma”

This quote needs no introduction. This was when President Zuma and Malema were still BFF’s and Malema was always willing to show the depth of his loyalty to the President while the rest of us just shook our heads in disappointment and utter disbelief.

Malema uttered these words back in 2008 at a ANC Youth League rally in Thaba Nchu, Free State. A lot has changed since then. While this statement was a full on pledge of loyalty to Jacob Zuma, (Juju later adding that the ANC Youth League was willing to “take arms for the President”) just a few weeks ago the now president of the Economic Freedom Fighters was going on about how the President is a “man of empty promises”. Their fallout, from best of buddies to sworn enemies, kind of makes the “kill for Zuma” quote a whole lot more nonsensical.

“People can threaten us and say they won’t vote, but the ANC doesn’t need their dirty votes”

Someone tell Nomvula Mokonyane to shut up. Seriously. Just last October, while addressing protesting residents in Bekkersdal, the then Premier of Gauteng basically told the community members that the ANC doesn’t need their votes. This, remember, for striking for better service delivery. The community of Bekkersdal was justifiably angered by this comment and a violent protest broke out – with the community further adding that it was not the first time an ANC representative called them dirty.

Seriously, this woman is always talking lot of hogwash. Besides being a servant of the people she insults, she’s also an adult and I’d expect her to act like one. It’s hard to inspire confidence in your electorate when all you all do is belittle and patronise them. Just a tip. My advice? This woman should just sit down, do her work and stay as far away from the podium as she can. It’ll save her a whole lot of trouble and give us the opportunity to find other outlets for our outrage.

Illustrations by Thato Mongale

Follow me on Twitter: @Thy_Black_Hippy

The #2014Elections has set an exciting and vibrant context for the future of South Africa politics to unfold upon. What happens now that you’ve voted? How do we gauge whether we’re “moving the country forward”, whether we’re “bringing change” or “economic freedom in our lifetime”? Stick with #LiveVIPZA and we’ll give you analysis, debates, comments, polls and all YOU need to understand, enjoy and interact with SA politics.