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5 offensive things straight people say to me just because I date women

by: Tina Redman - 12 October 2016


Sometimes straight people, even well-meaning ones, say the most offensive things to me without even realising it. These are the five most annoying.

“So you are one of the boys”

So, one day a group of guys tried to hit on my girlfriend. She rejected them by pointing my way indicating she was with me. Next thing this guy says to me, “She’s hot, bra. So she’s yours?” I nodded and moved on. Then later, after my girlfriend kissed me to signal that we should leave, he came over, gave me a bear hug and said to my girlfriend, “She’s one of the boys now, don’t worry.”

“I bet I can convert you”

Whenever I mention to men that I date women, they often say they can convert me. I find it offensive and homophobic because these men think that their masculinity is magic, and that me liking women somehow has something to do with them.

“How do you guys have sex?”

This is the question I’ve been asked the most. Before my girlfriend and I are asked how we met, we are first asked how we have sex. Other people use references to porn, asking whether or not we use some type of “scissor” position. This often leaves me wondering why this even matters because I know my straight friends don’t get asked the same thing.

“But she looks straight”

My girlfriend has been told countless times that she couldn’t be gay because she “looks” straight. As opposed to looking like what? What does straight look like? These are the questions that keep me up at night.

“Who’s the man in the relationship?”

A lot of people assume that when two girls are dating, one of them must be the man in the relationship. So I get asked this a lot. What a lot of people don’t consider is that most of the time girls date girls because they don’t want to date guys. It’s simple. Therefore, no one performs a male role because nobody feels the needs to.

Photography: Nqobile Sithole